Today unraveled. Somewhere in between getting to work and eating a fresh scone and walking home asking the Viking when my life was going to start.
Work was stressful. We had more managers on duty than usual and they kept yelling how long our ticket times were taking and I couldn't handle it. I kept getting more and more upset and moving at a slower pace because of it.
Then on the train ride home I listened to this woman who was at least 5 years older than me talk to her mother on the phone. She is an actress, she works a temp job at an office and she's thinking about transferring to a sales job that would allow her to move to New York. But it's commission based so how would she be relied upon to pay rent from month to month? She hasn't acted in a performance in 9 months and she's thinking about going back to storefront theatre so at least she'd be doing something, even if she wasn't being paid for it.
I got off the train and suddenly didn't feel like walking home, or at all. I wanted someone to scoop me up and carry me there, and lay me down in bed and tell me it was going to be okay. So I called the Viking, just as I realized that I forgot a vital assignment for one of my theatre jobs that was due yesterday. I couldn't simply come home and lay down, I needed to get to work.
I stress ate a large salad, drank two glasses of coke, finished the assignment, and still haven't shampooed the coconut oil out of my hair from yesterday.
But I will shampoo my hair, I'll put on my red jeans and go out to see an old friend tonight, because I know that it will make me happy. I'm not going to hang out in my pjs all night sulking. My life has already started, there is no waiting anymore. This is my life and I'm just going to have to learn to roll with it.