Yarn Over

Yesterday was my only day off and aside from taking a good chunk of time to compile a fall list, look at apartments, and precook lunch for the rest of the week, I also spent a lot of time watching movies and trying to knit a scarf. 

This scarf has become the bane of my existence.

I bought the yarn, a beautifully soft emerald green color, to make for someone else and it never quite got finished. I loved the stitch but somewhere in the middle it got messed up. Recovering it on Sunday I decided that I would take the whole thing apart and start over again. I brought it to the theatre and began unraveling it pre show. "What are you doing? That's a nice scarf! Hours of work wasted!" the cast commented, but I had a mind to do it, so I did. I tried another far more complicated pattern for the next three hours and decided I hated it and took it apart again.

Yesterday when my internet was down I used my phone to look up stitches, and an hour in to at least three different ones I would take them apart and start over again. Finally I found a stitch that I liked, but it got messed up and after several attempts at repair, I huffed and took it all apart again. 

This scarf has become an allegory for my life. 

It's beautiful yarn, gorgeous color, would compliment so much of my other wardrobe, but I don't know what I want it to be yet. Every time it looks like it's not going to turn out the way I want it to, I take it apart and start all over again. Maybe it's because I didn't buy it for myself and now I have to make it my own, or maybe it's because of the turns my life is taking right now. But, for the time being the "scarf" is unraveled and sitting on my couch in a wound up heap. I don't think I'll know what I want it to be for a while.