Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Hurry Up and Wait

The blogosphere is rife with New Year's resolutions. Mostly, I think, because blog content is hard to create when you're three sheets to the wind on holiday spirit and trying to settle back in to your normal gloomy winter routine. Not only is it harder to get creative, but people need to invent something to look forward to to get them through winter: "I will lose weight!" So I can look good in a bikini that I will wear to the beach with my friends this summer...oh! Leftover Christmas cookies! But there is one particular thing that I find myself doing often and wish I could break the habit. A new year and a fresh start is as good a time as any to tackle it...

I've been accused of wishing my life away, and I am the first person to back those accusations. I am a total ace at wishing I was in some other part of my life. Before I moved to Chicago I remember thinking that once I was settled in I'll feel a wholeness. Like I was making my own life. My career would take off and I would be the adult I always dreamed of in elementary school.

I want to feel about my life now the way I feel looking back on high school: you don't want to go back, but the reflection lets you see how far you've come. That you are more the person that you are supposed to be. I want to recall with some strange fondness how crazy my life was. I moved to Chicago with a little bit of money, lived in a studio apartment, worked a couple of jobs (mostly in theatres at night), and had an amazing time. But now, I feel more like myself. Like the person I always knew I should be.

Let me reiterate: I'm not one to make resolutions in January since for the past two years I've had the __ Before __ list to contend with. But this year I just wanted to take the time to remind myself, even if it's only for this moment, to slow down. Stop wishing it was some other time or place and just enjoy what I have right now. Some day I might find myself wishing deeply for that wild time I spent independent in Chicago.

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