Reach

I stayed up most of last night with a sore throat and chest pains nibbling on colby jack slices and beefing up my Pinterest for a few hours...until four in the morning to be exact. This sudden inability to sleep was driven by panic, and the panic was being steered by my life which has become out of my control in the past couple weeks. The moment I think that I have something lined up, it's intercepted and I'm back at square one.

For instance, Running Buddy, who was my intended roommate for next year, has decided not to live in Chicago anymore but instead return to our mutual home-base to be closer to her family. I can hardly blame her. Once she explained her intentions I was sobbing on the phone to my own mother: "should I come home?!" I'm sure my dad was jumping up and down enthusiastically in the background, but nonetheless Mom listened patiently while I vented my frustrations about being over-worked, under-paid, and without a plan for the future or a roommate to share it with. Ultimately I know it will be best for my theatre career if I stick it out here, but as of last night the worst of premonitions started creeping in to my head.

What if I can't find a full time job? What if I have to rent a shoe-box studio apartment for premium cash? What if I can't pay rent at all? What if I never make it any farther than I am now in theatre? What if I never define a clear enough path for myself to make goals? What if I never get to do the other wonderful things in life that I want to do?

Even typing this out it doesn't feel freeing. It sits on my shoulders, makes my mind race and my chest bind. I'm no stranger to anxiety but it's uncontrollable, slipping in whenever I try to think about my next move. My life will be full of choices. Will the anxiety ever cease? Or just lessen over time...

Despite my inherent reaction to lay down on the floor, the only course is action. In six months, hopefully, this will only be a memory and everything will be working out in the best possible of ways. Until then, if anyone needs a roommate, a co-worker, a friend, someone to give soothing advice to, a low key Saturday night buddy, or someone who loves to get ice cream and IPAs with: I'm your girl.

Adult Choices

A pre-dinner walk turned in to a hike to find the Lake Shore bike path, and before I knew it I was two miles away from the apartment and in need of some distraction from my achy sad feet. I called E and we gabbed about the usual: work, schemes to visit each other, and her brother's upcoming wedding. Houses, marriage, and kids seems weirdly close and yet so far...mostly far as I still work a daytime job that pays minimum wage. "I guess you have to decide what you want." she assessed. I have one job that doesn't feel like work I love it so much, but is it enough for me to put up with another job I hate and being broke all the time? I have other dreams that I want to accomplish.

When I decided to become a theatre major, there was the ultimate choice of "doing what I love every day for little money" or "giving up a career I love to have a comfortable life." It's easy to put off making that choice in college because, dammit, theatre is just the greatest! But once graduation came I was faced with the choice head on and still don't know that right answer for me.

I know a handful of people who graduated and knew instantly that they'd rather make money and live comfortably than make theatre their full time career. In the other camp are those who are perfectly content holding down a flexible yet financially unfulfilling daytime job just to get to do what they love in the evenings. It's not impossible to have a full time career in theatre, but for most of the people I work with a supplemental job is required to pay the rent. I realize that this is obvious to most, but when I moved to Chicago I didn't have a clue.

My hope is that I will work through things as they come and make the right choices for me while still keeping the future in mind. Recently I had to make a very tough decision regarding that future: I had to give up a theatre job. I was scheduled to work with the same fantastic company I'm currently with and I had to turn them down. Luckily they understood my predicament. 'It's a shame that money has to play so much in to this' they remarked.

The goal right this minute is to find a great-paying day job so I can continue to do and see theatre in the evening. I think it would be downright un-spirited to not give Chicago and my theatre career all the hard work and chances that it deserves, but I know I'll be running up against more walls like this in the future where I have to make a tough choice. If it all pans out, who knows? Maybe I can jump right back in to theatre after Christmas time, but for now my daytime job situation needs to be worked on.

24 Before I'm 25

I wanted to give myself some time after the 24 before 24 list to think about which goals I wanted to roll over and which to edit slightly or get rid of. Plus I had to come up with some new stuff, and I think I'm pretty happy with the results. I tried to err more on the side of achievable and yet something that would propel me towards the life I see for myself within the next year.  

So without further ado, here is my list:

24 Things To Do Before I’m 25

1.)                Travel to one place I’ve never been before

2.)               Write something every day

3.)               Be happy and self-sufficient with my employment

4.)               Find a work-out regiment that makes me happy

5.)               Complete a full length play

6.)               Save up enough money for a puppy

7.)               Take a class

8.)              Finish reading all the books on my shelves

9.)               Go on one romantic trip with Viking

10.)           Finish making the dress and skirt I started

11.)            Start researching Grad Schools

12.)           Start shopping vintage/thrift more often

13.)           Get a credit card

14.)           Promote myself without being embarrassed

15.)            Pair down my make-up to only high end stuff or things that get a lot of use

16.)           Shop my closet and wear all of my clothes. If I don’t I have to donate it at the end of the season

17.)            Donate money or time to charity

18.)           Run a 10k

19.)           Learn to cook for myself

20.)          Get out of my comfort zone professionally

21.)           Find a way to manage my stress level

22.)          Get a bike

23.)          Go to the zoo with my Goddaughter

24.)           Dance or sing in public


Anything I'm missing? I have no qualms with this becoming a "28 before 25" list.

Following

Unbeknownst to me I have a small readership that extends outside of my family. And here I thought I was just posting pictures and pretend outfits for my mom! A co-worker specifically informed me of his reading it and my knee jerk reaction was: "I am so embarrassed!" But what reason is there to be embarrassed? I obviously post it online for the whole word to see, and when I look at my page views I know it's more than just a couple people...but it seems strange. In any case it made me very aware of the fact that I haven't posted anything about my theatre job in a while, with the exception that we went in to tech a couple weeks ago.

But as it happens, some ridiculousness happened last night that I thought was share-worthy:

Everything seemed to be humming along as usual. As the stage manager I get there first, start up the light and sound board, check props, re-fill antique coke bottles with diet soda. The ASM arrives and we start doing channel check, or checking all the lighting instruments to see if they work:

"Can you bring up 34 again? I can't see it..." Two lights have blown. "Okay, I'll make a note of that, channel 35?" It goes up and the light fizzes out. I call the lighting designer who is working on another show, and then the director who is also busy that evening. Luckily a stage manager from the previous show is in our cast and she scoots up the ladder to see what she can do. Soon after arrives another actor who works for a tech company and he follows suit and starts changing lamps (bulbs are "lamps" in theatre. Do not say bulb to a lighting designer!) 20 minutes and a shower of corrosion later we're showing the understudy how fight call works and everything starts to fall in to place.

Around the second act we have a waiter who comes on with a cocktail made of Hawaiian Punch...I think you know were this is going. Actors collided backstage and the fruit punch ended up all over the waiter's white shirt/black pants combo and the white cloth napkin. Being the consummate professional he went on like nothing happened, but I think it shook everyone a bit. We consoled each other over drinks across the street and are thinking that tomorrow will be more dynamic.

Sunday

Sunday morning rolled out of bed to the sound of Henry, the next door neighbor's scarlet and grey macaw, whistling the Darth Vader theme song and replicating the sound of horns honking. I also had some "spa time" with a chocolate strawberry mask that Viking picked up for me. You may recall this incident.

I'm trying to calm down before tonight's official opening of the show I'm stage managing. My nerves are up but so are my hopes I suppose, this has been such a fun show to put together and I'm glad to be a part of it!

Enjoy your Sunday!

- K.K.

Tech Week Styles

As you may or may not know, when you work backstage in a theatre you are expected to wear all black, normally because you're doing scene changes in the dark and they need you to go unnoticed, but now it's become the protocol for all theatre technicians. It makes me laugh because, are we really fooling you? It's not as if I would wear a neon slip dress and 4 inch stilettos to do my job, but you know I have to push the boundaries with my creative dressing.

Photo Via

So I've assembled some theatre/summer/spring/appropriate work outfits to inspire me in the upcoming weeks. The stipulation for each outfit is that it's comfortable, appropriate for what I'm doing, dark colors, and I have the ability to climb a ladder in it, all while keeping my creative flare. Pretty good huh? Can't resist having some fun with the shoes.

 

Where is my mind

I had every intention of putting up a blog post about my weekend with the Viking before he went back to Cleveland. We had many small adventures and lots of movie watching/delicious food making. And of course I got my camera out for some great pictures, but low and behold can not find my USB cable. Actually, I had a panic attack moment where I forgot what a USB cable looked like entirely. I sat on the floor, completely defeated and scowled at my dresser...how could I forget what that looks like? Two days later I still can't find it, although I'm pretty sure I know what it looks like now.

In other news the show I'm stage managing is in previews #ohmygodmyfirstchicagoshow! This of course means that I have less time to write blog posts...but rest assured that I'll want to tell you all about the weekend with Viking (when I find the rascally USB cable!) and tell you how NATO goes...to give you a hint my place of business is moving their patio furniture out just in case chairs get thrown through the windows...oh yeah.

April 25th

Yesterday was my Dad's Birthday! You know, the Dad that texts me every day just to see how I'm doing and making sure I don't lose faith in the process of figuring this whole adult-hood thing out. I'm sure he'd much rather me move home to figure it out, but he's supportive none the less which is what makes him an awesome Dad to have.

Also wanted to mention these beauties this morning. After a cast bonding experience on Monday night an actor had a little too much party and I helped clean it up. I wasn't planning on broadcasting it to the company since it was an honest mistake, but I came to rehearsal yesterday and he bought me flowers! They're livening up my end table as we speak. "Does everyone down there have a crush on you?" Viking laughed. Nope, just the ones that I clean up after.

It Might Bite Your Nose Off

Roommate sent this video to me yesterday via the Huffington Post featuring none other than my ultimate Chicago guide, Tina Fey.

Photo via

Check the video out here and tell me what you think. I can't stop quoting it! The Cheesecake Factory is base!

Catch Up

Last night the festival of ten minute plays I was assistant stage managing ended. I severely underestimated the awesomeness of working on a festival of plays that only lasts six days. You're getting to work with a new company and you come in to contact with all kind of different artists in terms of directors, actors, stage managers, etc. The sad thing is you only really get to know everyone at the cast party when you're saying "so long".

I had an experience like this in Ohio working on a comedy festival, but it's different since all the troops go back to their homes (and I didn't have to get on stage and be made a fool doing a Monty Python dance number.) Here, everyone is still a Chicagoan. There's a chance I might get to work with everyone again, which would be lovely!

But now that the festival is over I can focus on stage managing a full length production for a company very close to my apartment. My friend has been substituting for me this past week so my first rehearsal with the cast is this Saturday for a photo call and blocking the second half of the show (blocking = stage movement/choreography I only realized that not everyone knows what this means when talking to Dad.)

So I'm a one show woman ya'll, and it feels fantastic! Hopefully now I can get back on track with writing, running, and cleaning my gross room. You couldn't tell by the garment rack pictures because I shoved everything out of the way, but I still have a trash bag of tops to put away and a pile of bikinis to sort through...ugh.

Style Anatomy: House Manager

For the most part I consider myself a frustrated stylist, or at least that's what Carmindy on What Not to Wear used to tell women who dyed their hair constantly or put on too much make-up. There is no daily occasion where I need to wear a nice outfit, my last four jobs have all required a polo or t-shirt as uniforms, but I like to acquire nice pieces for my own personal style.

Recently I've been able to flex my stylist muscles at my house management job and it's had an extremely positive impact on my self esteem. Not only to I feel great and look authoritative (yet approachable), but I get good response from the cast, ushers, and crew. One actress in particular stops to look at what I'm wearing before she goes to get ready for the performance. It makes me blush every time since she is so well put together.

This is what I wore to house manage in yesterday.

A few of the ushers have made the comment: "most house managers look like they've been living under ground" or "are you in the performance? You look more like an actor than a house manager." But I take pride in looking stylish. It's not like me to show up to work or an event too casually dressed without any make-up on. Until yesterday that is...

I was in a cleaning frenzy, and I realized too late that I had an interview in ten minutes and not a stitch of make-up on my face or an outfit planned for the interview. I put on some standby clothes and ran out the door.

I snapped this picture when I came home (I spy a Chipotle bag and a bra!)

I made it to the interview on time but was nervous. It was a plain outfit to say the least, and I hadn't had the time to cover my dark circles or even put on lip balm. My interviewer was unfazed and I got the job! Which made me think, are there really different expectations for the appearance of actors and the appearance of theatre management? Is it hurting my chances of being taken seriously when I wear a trendy outfit and a full face of make-up? Come to think of it, all the women I've interviewed with have been bare faced and wearing jeans, and the men wear baseball caps and t-shirts.

Maybe the days of getting dressed up for the theatre are over.

But if I schlepped around ripped up jeans and unkempt hair I don't think I would be staying true to myself as a frustrated stylist. When I get dressed up it's me I'm putting out there, which is the best reassurance of my credentials I feel.

So I will try my darnedest to post more house management outfits, trendy or not, and thank you for allowing me to share my passion for style with you.

Busy Making Plans...

If you adore having a set schedule and you are driven batty when the plans you made in advance are drastically changed at the last minute, then theatre is not the pursuit for you. When I first graduated college the concept of "roll with it" was all but foreign to me. Once the Viking entered grad school my plan-making tendencies were quickly matched and defeated. You never know what's coming next...which brings me to this weekend.

What I planned to happen: It's the four year anniversary of when the Viking and I started dating this Sunday! The plan was for him to drive up Friday afternoon, spend the day with me and volunteer at the theatre tonight. Tomorrow we'd hang out around the apartment, maybe explore the city, and volunteer again. Then on Sunday we'd have a leisurely anniversary breakfast and I would make my way to the theatre, and the Viking would return to grad school.

What's really happening is: I'll be at the theatre tonight and the Viking can't simply arrive at my apartment when no one is there so he'll be driving in at 11:00pm. Tomorrow I'll be training at work so I'll be gone for six hours and come home just in time to get ready to go to the theatre again. Sunday morning Viking will have to leave (breakfast or no breakfast) so I can make it to the matinee on time.

If this had happened to me a year ago I would have cried. I had made these beautiful plans and they were all wrecked. I had no one to blame but my own wishful thinking.
Nowadays there's nothing to do but bounce back and restrategize. Just because it isn't the weekend I pictured doesn't make it a bad weekend, and I'm sure we'll have as much fun and I'll eat just as many blueberry pancakes!

Sunday

In between job interviews and the show that I'm house managing opening this week I still managed to get to season 2 of Downton Abbey (Downton Abbey Counter: 3 consecutive posts this week.) I'm obsessed. Even tried to get Roommate to start watching it so I would have someone to gab with...he politely declined.

I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend!

-K.K.

Image via

The Sniffles

I went to sleep last night with the sniffles and woke up feeling ache-y and drained. I committed to staying in bed all day and eating leftover pesto and jelly beans, but I do feel very accomplished! I registered my ipass and applied for one job which will hopefully lead to an awesome theatre gig.

When I was in college, two long years ago, I imagined I would have a part time job until I was accepted for an internship. Then I would get a full time job in the artistic department of a theatre company during the day, stage manage at night, and would give me weekends or Mondays off to write and submit plays to theatre companies.

My part-time summer job was extended and the internship applications kept bouncing back with "thank you for your inquiry but..." letters, and internship offers I wasn't sure I wanted. I had these moments of panic where if I got an internship doing something I didn't want to do that it's all I'd get hired for in the future. So I'd refuse them or botch the interview and apply somewhere else.

Instead of hoping the opportunities would come to me from afar I decided to bring myself to the opportunities and move to Chicago just to see where it would take me in my career. I had a plan for that too which didn't pan out. What has served me the best since I've been here is applying for things I would really love to do and trying my best to prove to the company how much I really want to be there. That way I feel like I'm not cheating myself and the company is getting a highly motivated and enthusiastic employee. That's what we in show business like to call a "win, win" situation.

I'll keep you updated as always and try to share the secrets of my success when I have them...secrets or success, whichever comes first!

picture via

Post Title: 2011

I wasn't particularly in the mood to be retrospective today, especially since I don't feel like I've accomplished a lot this past year. But as I started looking through pictures it made me want to do a little re-hashing.

January:

I was working Wildlights at the zoo back in Columbus and still teaching children's theatre. I started interning and Stage Managing for a local start-up theatre company and met some pretty rad people along the way. This is also about the time that I put in applications for spring internships in Chicago, and didn't get any of them. One offered me an education internship once another person dropped out, but I couldn't justify uprooting for something I wasn't really in to.

February: 

I started interning and stage managing for these guys for the Valentine's day show, which is easily one of the best and most hilarious things I've ever done in the name of entertainment. Viking Boyfriend and I celebrated 3 years, check out those mutton chops! People would stop their cars to compliment his fine beard accomplishment.

March:

Viking Boyfriend and his family invited me to Florida. We hung out on the dog beach, layed out by the pool, and contracted the stomach flu. Boo. I finished house managing for Bat Boy the Musical.

April:

Major freaking life change!!!...I got bangs. I swiftly grew them out afterwards deeming them too much work. That's all I got April.

May:

SM'd and wrote for the SBN Two in the Pink show. We ran (in a lobster suit and felt blanket lamb-y pants) for Race for the Cure in Columbus. It was discovered that Bill did not, in fact, have the stomach flu from March, but a bum gal bladder which was hastily dispatched.

June:

My golden year birthday began, 23 on the 23rd. I made two cakes, had too many drinks, and danced allllll night. Speaking of partying...went to this and will recommend it to everyone in the central Ohio area for the rest of my life.

July:

My cousins Hannah and Hayden and my aunt Beth came to visit from Louisiana. Not wanting them to be bored we carted them to King's Island, Cosi, the Zoo, and Zoombezi Bay. On the third or fourth day they practically begged to stay home and watch TV.

August:

Working Zoo Crew for the summer which is one of the most fun jobs ever. Just walking around the park, talking to people, and playing games with kids. Oh, and meeting Mr. Jack Hannah! Also, I finished the original Star Wars trilogy. Indeed.

September:

Celebrated Ms. E-Rose's birthday and decided that I needed to start looking for an apartment in Chicago. Although I don't have photos of that glorious process I can tell you that it was fun and nerve wracking. "Is it close to the el? Is heat included? What the hell is the matter with that tub?!"

October:

SBN had their Halloween show which I regret that I didn't take more pictures of. I started saying my goodbyes, to my teaching job, my job at the zoo, and to Ohio and everyone I adore that lives there. It

was still is extremely scary and I miss the consistency of life there every day. But you have to take risks, and I'm just working towards the pay off.

November:

I moved in to my first "big girl" apartment although it's still hard to consider it that. I went on three interviews and filled out fifty or more applications and was hired on as a production assistant to a theatre company. Went home for Thanksgiving to see the family and started to feel homesick.

December:

Everything starts to fall ever so slightly in to place. I get in to a routine of rehearsals and talking on the phone to a lot of close friends, and I started this blog! Inspired by the numerous blogs I read every day I thought I'd give it a shot. Some 20-something young professionals must be feeling the way I feel so why not put it out there? Besides that Mom was very encouraging about me starting a blog so she'd know how I was doing...not that I don't call her on a daily basis.

Stay classy 2011.

  













What Are Ya Doing?

It's been all rehearsals, shopping, and dining out this week with Mom here. We haven't been uploading a lot of pictures, so this is one from last week of my brother and I are our traditional "Christmas Eve in Front of the Tree" picture. Maybe Mom and I can have a photo shoot tonight and I'll have some awesome pictures from New Year's.

In theatre land, the show I'm working on is doing consistent run throughs. We have one more week of rehearsals and next week is tech week! 

As a production assistant my job ranges. Mostly I assist the Stage Manager and ASM in prop organizing and being on book. I also hang up posters, help locate props and set pieces, and badger actors about sending me their bios so I can complete the program. I did some publicity in the beginning with facebook, twitter, and making labels to send out post cards. During the run of the show I'll be the one woman run crew backstage assisting with quick changes and throwing things about. It's a lot of fun because you're part of the action on a lot of different levels, and it being my first performance in Chicago I'm fascinated with just about everything. It also helps that I'm working with a great group of people that always have advice to give, which I eat right up.

One such piece of theatre advice is that most theatre companies get their budgets in January, so that's when they do a lot of their hiring. I'll be stalking the job postings in the upcoming weeks hoping to land a few gigs. It's also the time when summer stock hiring starts; it's exciting thinking about a show that opens in the summer! Not that I don't love you Chicago winter, I know you have yet to begin. I'm still waiting on waist deep snow and days indoors under a blanket with hot chocolate.

On the Hunt

What I foresaw in my seasonal job future



As previously stated, I expected to come to Chicago and jump on the seasonal employment train, which has not worked out well. This being my fault, I expect, because I would rather go home for three days at Christmas than spend it alone in my apartment. That is the choice I made, but I now know that if I'm serious about seasonal work next year I'll suck it up and Skype Christmas morning.

So as of right now, no part time job landed.

I do, however, have a part time theatre gig as a production assistant which I am more than pleased to be working at right now. The pay is small, but the group of people I'm working with are fantastic and the show is hilariously fun to work on. One day I'm making rental inquiries about period-esque chairs for the set, and the next I'm google searching disaster images of the late 19th century. How can you not have fun with that?

Best. Task. Ever.



Right now I'm waiting to hear back from a part time "day gig" as the theatre folk around here call it. It has me all worked up because it would be such a fantastic job. It's something I have experience in, they're hiring morning shift people, and everyone I've talked to has been very cool. My theory is that they're waiting until after New Year's to hire me since I'm going home, but I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Until then I'll keep checking Chicago Plays for my next big break.

Pictures via & via